“Chopping Mall” is one of those movies that feels like it was made on a dare. Released in 1986, it’s a B-movie through and through—a low-budget sci-fi horror flick that tosses together killer robots, a shopping mall, and a group of unlucky teenagers. The result is a movie that’s so absurd, so cheesy, and so gleefully ridiculous that it somehow circles back to being entertaining.
The “Plot” (And I Use That Word Loosely)
Trying to explain Chopping Mall’s plot is like trying to describe the taste of ice cream to someone who’s never eaten it—utterly pointless, but oddly fun. The setup? A group of teenagers decide that a mall after hours is the perfect spot for a party (because, of course it is). But instead of spending the night surrounded by neon lights and delicious food courts, they run into three killer robots—designed to protect the mall—who instead decide to go on a murderous rampage, If you’ve ever wanted to see what happens when mall security goes Terminator on minimum wage, ‘Chopping Mall’ is your ticket to that bizarre nightmare.
The plot is as thin as the mall’s security (which, you know, isn’t much), and that’s exactly how it should be. Who needs plot when you have killer robots with lasers and teenagers making terrible decisions? At one point, characters are screaming, running, and using fire extinguishers like they’re out of a fire safety training video, and honestly, that’s the best part.
- The robots? They look like Johnny 5 from ‘Short Circuit’—if he’d snapped, gone rogue, and decided that Anabolic’s and murder were the real path to ‘more input.’
- The acting is wooden, the plot is paper-thin, and the logic is non-existent—but that’s all part of the charm.
Acting? Oh, It’s Something
The acting in Chopping Mall is about as smooth as a sandpaper handshake. The characters are all stock B-movie types: the jock, the nerd, the final girl, and the one who spends way too much time making out when they should be running for their lives. Every line feels like it was delivered by someone who was briefly distracted by an off-screen explosion.
Character 1: “What are we gonna do? The robots are after us!”
Character 2: “I don’t know… but I’m gonna look cool while I run away.”
Yes, this is an actual line. It’s absurd, it’s terrible, and yet it’s exactly what this movie needs. The acting here doesn’t strive for greatness—it strives for chaos.
Direction, Cinematography, and “What Am I Watching?”
Chopping Mall looks like it was filmed in a mall during a power outage, and somehow, that’s perfect. The mall’s bright lights and neon signs are more than just eye candy; they’re a glowing symbol of the absurdity that’s about to unfold. And the killer robots? They look like Wall-E cosplaying as RoboCop, shooting first and asking questions later. These robots are out for blood, and every time they wheel into frame, it’s hard not to laugh at how seriously they take their mission.
The special effects? Well, let’s just say that when these robots blast someone into oblivion, it’s as if the filmmakers thought, “Let’s just blow everything up.” The explosions are as over-the-top as the rest of the film. And those head-explosions? You’ll never forget them. It’s like the movie had a list of “How to Make the Most Ridiculous Slasher” and just checked off every box.
The Cult Phenomenon
Despite—or perhaps because of—its utter ridiculousness, Chopping Mall has become a beloved cult classic. It’s the kind of film that people need to experience in a group—preferably with snacks, friends, and an understanding that what you’re watching is not a high-brow work of cinema. Screenings are an event, with audiences laughing, shouting, and cheering on every poorly executed robot attack. It’s not just a film; it’s a happening.
Hollywood even took notice. The film may not have made any money at the box office, but its absurdity became its own reward. Chopping Mall is pure schlock, and it’s embraced as such.
Final Verdict
Chopping Mall isn’t a movie that was meant to be taken seriously—it’s a movie that wants you to have fun with its chaos, laugh at its terrible robots, and just roll with the absurdity. It’s a film so mind-bogglingly stupid that it turns into something amazing.
Should you watch Chopping Mall?
Absolutely. But only with a crowd, a sense of humor, and a healthy appreciation for the art of total mayhem. You’ll leave with a big smile on your face and the certain knowledge that, no matter how bad things get, the mall security system will always be there to take care of you. By any means necessary.
