“Chopping Mall” is one of those movies that feels like it was made on a dare. Released in 1986, it’s a B-movie through and through—a low-budget sci-fi horror flick that tosses together killer robots, a shopping mall, and a group of unlucky teenagers. The result is a movie that’s so absurd, so cheesy, and so gleefully ridiculous that it somehow circles back to being entertaining.
The premise is pure ’80s schlock: a group of teens decides to have an after-hours party in a high-tech shopping mall, only to find themselves hunted by the mall’s new security system—three killer robots gone haywire. These robots, designed to keep the mall safe, instead go on a murderous rampage, zapping and blasting their way through the night. If you’ve ever wanted to see what happens when mall security goes Terminator on minimum wage, ‘Chopping Mall’ is your ticket to that bizarre nightmare.
“Chopping Mall” knows exactly what it is and doesn’t try to be anything more. It’s campy, over-the-top, and filled with enough cheesy dialogue and ridiculous deaths to keep you laughing all the way through. The special effects are amazingly low-rent, with the killer robots looking like Johnny 5 from ‘Short Circuit’—if he’d snapped, gone rogue, and decided that Anabolic’s and murder were the real path to ‘more input.’ The acting is wooden, the plot is paper-thin, and the logic is non-existent—but that’s all part of the charm.
The movie doesn’t waste any time trying to develop its characters, and that’s probably for the best. The teenagers are standard B-movie fodder: there’s the jock, the nerd, the final girl, and, of course, the requisite scenes of teens making out before meeting their grisly fates. The dialogue is a treasure trove of unintentional comedy, with lines that are so corny you can’t help but laugh.
One of the film’s most memorable moments has to be the infamous head-explosion scene, where one of the characters meets their end in a spectacularly gory fashion. It’s the kind of scene that perfectly encapsulates what “Chopping Mall” is all about—going for broke with absurdity and embracing the ridiculousness of it all.
And let’s not forget the soundtrack, which is a pure ’80s synth-fest. The music perfectly matches the film’s campy vibe, adding another layer of nostalgia to the already retro atmosphere.
“Chopping Mall” isn’t scary, it isn’t smart, and it certainly isn’t sophisticated. But what it does have is a kind of infectious energy that makes it fun to watch, especially with a group of friends who can appreciate a good-bad movie. It’s the kind of film that’s best enjoyed with a bowl of popcorn and a sense of humour, knowing full well what you’re getting into.
Conclusion
“Chopping Mall” is a verified dud. It’s a relic of a bygone era when B-movies ruled the late-night TV airwaves, offering up pure, unadulterated entertainment without a hint of self-seriousness. If you’re in the mood for something ridiculous, cheesy, and unintentionally hilarious, “Chopping Mall” delivers in spades.
